1
00:00:14,879 --> 00:00:16,320
Huh? Huh?

2
00:00:29,560 --> 00:00:30,610
Hello,

3
00:00:36,240 --> 00:00:38,400
Dolly. Hello, Tiger.

4
00:00:39,760 --> 00:00:42,150
I'm sorry, Vic. My car... She's been
slipping.

5
00:00:42,350 --> 00:00:45,610
Don't worry, darling. Mine won't. You
hot -blooded hedge -cutter.

6
00:00:45,611 --> 00:00:48,929
I was beginning to get worried. I
thought I might have to start cutting

7
00:00:48,930 --> 00:00:52,289
edge. Well, that would never do. We
don't want you towering yourself out.

8
00:00:52,290 --> 00:00:53,490
cutting edges anywhere.

9
00:00:53,770 --> 00:00:56,600
You know, Sidney, sometimes you're so
rough and earthy.

10
00:00:57,130 --> 00:00:58,550
I'm delighted to say.

11
00:01:09,781 --> 00:01:11,569
Beg your pardon?

12
00:01:11,570 --> 00:01:16,709
Oh, no, I beg yours. I thought you were
one of us, but now I see that you're one

13
00:01:16,710 --> 00:01:17,760
of them.

14
00:01:18,970 --> 00:01:21,530
I'm not quite sure what you're talking
about.

15
00:01:21,730 --> 00:01:24,890
Sex. I classified you wrongly.

16
00:01:25,210 --> 00:01:26,260
You're male.

17
00:01:27,010 --> 00:01:29,110
If I'm not, I'm very flat -chested.

18
00:01:30,270 --> 00:01:31,330
Oh, very true.

19
00:01:31,630 --> 00:01:35,849
Listen, now you've established my sex,
why don't you come in and then we can

20
00:01:35,850 --> 00:01:37,650
introduce ourselves properly, eh?

21
00:01:38,030 --> 00:01:42,130
I'm Ramona Barkley, widow of this parish
and several others.

22
00:01:43,750 --> 00:01:45,190
I'm Victor Evans, you see.

23
00:01:45,390 --> 00:01:47,490
Bachelor from Beddyshire College.

24
00:01:47,770 --> 00:01:51,570
Oh, you're a Welshman. Yes, yes, I'm
proud of it.

25
00:01:51,810 --> 00:01:57,230
Oh, fascinating people, the Welsh. My
first husband was a Celt.

26
00:01:57,430 --> 00:02:01,030
Or was it my second? Well, it was one of
them.

27
00:02:01,430 --> 00:02:04,670
Oh, he used to prance around Stonehenge.

28
00:02:05,050 --> 00:02:06,100
Talk! Naked.

29
00:02:06,390 --> 00:02:10,509
Was he some sort of druid? No, just an
exhibitionist.

30
00:02:12,110 --> 00:02:15,650
Well, we're very extrovert, us Welsh.
Oh, yes, and passionate.

31
00:02:16,490 --> 00:02:19,010
I adore Welshmen. You do?

32
00:02:19,730 --> 00:02:24,269
It's years since I left Wales. I'm well
and truly anglicised. Oh, really? I do

33
00:02:24,270 --> 00:02:25,490
hope it wasn't painful.

34
00:02:27,930 --> 00:02:31,330
I suppose you're wondering why I've
called.

35
00:02:31,690 --> 00:02:33,570
Well, it had crossed my mind, yes.

36
00:02:33,830 --> 00:02:35,620
Well. I'm looking for a man.

37
00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:38,360
Well, it's only natural, you being a
widow.

38
00:02:39,060 --> 00:02:40,240
You don't understand.

39
00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:45,460
I want a man who thinks he can take
advantage of my beautiful daughter.

40
00:02:46,060 --> 00:02:50,839
Oh, well, in that case, I'll be only too
happy to oblige. I'm not advertising

41
00:02:50,840 --> 00:02:51,890
the position.

42
00:02:51,920 --> 00:02:55,260
I'm trying to curb her of her amorous
activities.

43
00:02:55,940 --> 00:02:59,430
Oh, I can assure you I've not been
amorous with her. No, no, it isn't you.

44
00:02:59,500 --> 00:03:00,550
It's Mr.

45
00:03:00,580 --> 00:03:01,980
Turner. Sidney?

46
00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:03,800
You must be mistaken.

47
00:03:04,540 --> 00:03:06,220
I'm not mistaken.

48
00:03:06,480 --> 00:03:09,440
Oh, he's having a wild, passionate
affair.

49
00:03:09,441 --> 00:03:10,439
Are you sure?

50
00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:16,280
Yes. Well, if he's with Hillary, he must
be. She's absolutely mad, mad.

51
00:03:16,580 --> 00:03:18,640
I don't know where she gets it from.

52
00:03:18,641 --> 00:03:22,839
I think you're mistaken, you see. I
think you've got the wrong Mr. Turner.

53
00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:25,620
Well, his kidney's in the top meadow,
slogging away.

54
00:03:29,920 --> 00:03:31,760
Thank you, Tiger.

55
00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:34,500
I like to breathe now and again.

56
00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:39,599
Oh, Sidney, you're so strong, so virile,
so masculine. Yes, well, either you've

57
00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:44,060
got it or you haven't. And you've
definitely got to come here. Now, wait,

58
00:03:44,061 --> 00:03:45,079
hang on, hang on.

59
00:03:45,080 --> 00:03:47,370
What is it now? Well, it's nearly one o
'clock.

60
00:03:47,380 --> 00:03:51,050
Well, we're not on shift work. No, I
know, but even Ford's not all for lunch.

61
00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:53,260
Couldn't we put in a little overtime?

62
00:03:53,780 --> 00:03:54,830
No, no, no.

63
00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:57,670
I think I'd better get back. We could be
waiting. Come on.

64
00:03:59,880 --> 00:04:01,740
I'd like to meet this partner of yours.

65
00:04:01,741 --> 00:04:04,999
Yeah, well, I think you'd be wasting
your time, really. It's his age, you

66
00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:06,050
How old is he?

67
00:04:06,051 --> 00:04:10,039
Seventy -odd. He's pathetic, really, the
way he is. Potter's about. He's quite

68
00:04:10,040 --> 00:04:11,090
happy.

69
00:04:11,360 --> 00:04:12,740
What about this afternoon?

70
00:04:12,741 --> 00:04:14,139
Pick me up in half an hour.

71
00:04:14,140 --> 00:04:15,190
All right, tiger.

72
00:04:32,530 --> 00:04:33,580
20 minutes.

73
00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:35,950
20 minutes? I can't wait that long. Why
not?

74
00:04:36,470 --> 00:04:38,090
Well, I want to get back on the job.

75
00:04:38,091 --> 00:04:43,569
Sid, how much longer are you going to be
on that hedge? Oh, it could be days,

76
00:04:43,570 --> 00:04:44,569
yeah. Days?

77
00:04:44,570 --> 00:04:45,950
Well, even a couple of weeks.

78
00:04:46,290 --> 00:04:48,790
Does the name Barclay mean anything to
you?

79
00:04:49,750 --> 00:04:53,869
Barclay? Yeah, Barclay. I had a Mrs.
Barclay around here this morning,

80
00:04:53,870 --> 00:04:56,449
that you were pleasuring yourself with
her daughter.

81
00:04:56,450 --> 00:04:57,500
Me? Yeah, you.

82
00:04:57,830 --> 00:04:58,930
No, no, not me, mate.

83
00:04:58,931 --> 00:05:01,199
Now, I don't know if I'm the wrong
turner.

84
00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:03,499
Must be some other fellow that's messing
about with Hillary.

85
00:05:03,500 --> 00:05:04,550
Hillary?

86
00:05:06,660 --> 00:05:07,710
Is that her name?

87
00:05:07,711 --> 00:05:08,879
That's what you just said.

88
00:05:08,880 --> 00:05:09,619
Did I?

89
00:05:09,620 --> 00:05:11,680
Yeah. Oh, well, just a picture of
speech.

90
00:05:12,260 --> 00:05:14,120
Just shows you what a small world it is.

91
00:05:14,940 --> 00:05:17,020
Hello. It's the Fletcher Police Force.

92
00:05:17,021 --> 00:05:18,879
Come to collect his eggs, though, Speck?

93
00:05:18,880 --> 00:05:19,799
Oh, no.

94
00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:24,039
I'm sick and tired of him scrounging all
the time. Ah, what's it... I said it's

95
00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:26,090
worth it. Keep on the right side of the
law.

96
00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:29,870
We're running a blooming farm, mate, not
a strip club.

97
00:05:29,871 --> 00:05:30,879
I mean...

98
00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:32,079
We don't have to pay protection.

99
00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:34,579
If he wants any more eggs, he'll have to
lay them himself.

100
00:05:34,580 --> 00:05:35,819
Good morning, gentlemen.

101
00:05:35,820 --> 00:05:37,300
Morning. Definitely not.

102
00:05:37,740 --> 00:05:39,620
I beg your pardon, sir? No more eggs.

103
00:05:39,621 --> 00:05:43,339
You'll have to scrounge them somewhere
else. Mr. Turner, I hope you don't think

104
00:05:43,340 --> 00:05:46,410
my weekly visits have anything to do
with my egg consumption.

105
00:05:46,411 --> 00:05:50,479
Why do you come round here, then? As a
representative of law and order, I

106
00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:54,219
consider it my duty to visit all farm
properties in this area to discourage

107
00:05:54,220 --> 00:05:56,260
marauders and stamp out cattle rustling.

108
00:05:58,620 --> 00:06:01,330
Cattle knocker? Who do you think you
are, John Wayne?

109
00:06:02,080 --> 00:06:04,120
There's no cattle rustlers in Fletchley.

110
00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:06,850
Exactly. It just shows you what a good
job I'm doing.

111
00:06:06,851 --> 00:06:10,199
Well, he's got a point there. I mean,
that's worth half a dozen eggs, isn't

112
00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:13,099
No, no, no, sir. I don't want you to
think you'll be older than me in any

113
00:06:13,100 --> 00:06:18,180
even though I do tramp the highways and
byways in snow, sleet and rain.

114
00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:19,850
On your behalf.

115
00:06:19,851 --> 00:06:22,979
I accepted those eggs from the spirit in
which they were given.

116
00:06:22,980 --> 00:06:24,300
The spirit has just run out.

117
00:06:24,301 --> 00:06:27,999
That's all right, sir. It'll make no
difference to the execution of my duty.

118
00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:31,119
Just because you have withdrawn the and
of friendship does not mean that I

119
00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:34,840
should be any less existent and bear you
any malice. I should hope not.

120
00:06:35,900 --> 00:06:38,370
Have you got a licence for that car
outside, sir?

121
00:06:38,900 --> 00:06:40,960
Yes. Is it tax -free, George?

122
00:06:41,440 --> 00:06:44,560
Yes. Has it had the... No, it's had the
MOT test.

123
00:06:44,561 --> 00:06:46,019
Could I see them, please?

124
00:06:46,020 --> 00:06:47,070
Yes.

125
00:06:47,071 --> 00:06:50,499
You're wasting your time, mate. You
haven't got a thing on me.

126
00:06:50,500 --> 00:06:52,840
Very nice car, the Triumph Spitfire,
sir.

127
00:06:53,700 --> 00:06:55,910
Pardon? And a very nice young lady.

128
00:06:57,510 --> 00:06:59,530
I would much rather he didn't know.

129
00:06:59,730 --> 00:07:01,170
Oh, it's a secret, is it, sir?

130
00:07:01,330 --> 00:07:03,990
Well, you know how it is. I know, sir.

131
00:07:04,250 --> 00:07:06,190
Don't you worry, rely on my relaxants.

132
00:07:06,930 --> 00:07:07,980
Yes.

133
00:07:08,670 --> 00:07:11,440
Even though you have withdrawn the hand
of friendship.

134
00:07:11,441 --> 00:07:14,629
Oh, here they are, Vic. Licence,
everything else. Vic, I've been thinking

135
00:07:14,630 --> 00:07:17,549
eggs won't do us any harm. We don't want
to take a chance on being rustled.

136
00:07:17,550 --> 00:07:18,309
I know.

137
00:07:18,310 --> 00:07:20,230
Are we friends again, then? Yeah, Mick.

138
00:07:20,430 --> 00:07:21,690
What's half a dozen eggs?

139
00:07:21,830 --> 00:07:23,890
A dozen.

140
00:07:24,490 --> 00:07:25,930
Thank you, sir. Very generous.

141
00:07:26,390 --> 00:07:28,860
I'll pick them up this afternoon with
the butter.

142
00:07:32,210 --> 00:07:33,650
Just half a pound will do, sir.

143
00:07:34,230 --> 00:07:37,060
Well, I shan't be needing those now.
Good day, gentlemen.

144
00:07:39,670 --> 00:07:40,720
What's he got on you?

145
00:07:40,721 --> 00:07:43,529
Oh, don't be ridiculous. He hasn't got
anything on me. I gave him those eggs

146
00:07:43,530 --> 00:07:46,709
of the warmth and generosity of my
heart. If your heart is warm and

147
00:07:46,710 --> 00:07:47,850
you better transplant.

148
00:07:48,930 --> 00:07:50,950
I must get back to the hedge.

149
00:07:51,170 --> 00:07:53,170
Back to the grind, eh?

150
00:07:54,950 --> 00:07:58,490
Yes, you could call it that.

151
00:07:59,010 --> 00:08:02,620
Shall I come and give you a hand? No,
thanks. I can manage this job on my own.

152
00:08:51,801 --> 00:08:58,029
if you're sitting away there nibbling at
some bird's ear hole and you find

153
00:08:58,030 --> 00:08:59,769
yourself surrounded by the beaver
patrol.

154
00:08:59,770 --> 00:09:02,369
Well, they were supposed to be studying
fieldcraft.

155
00:09:02,370 --> 00:09:03,420
I nearly saw some.

156
00:09:04,330 --> 00:09:07,640
Yeah, but look, Sid, days are for
working, nights are for crumpet.

157
00:09:08,110 --> 00:09:11,789
Hillary is not crumpet. We'd hardly
classify her as work. I would, mate.

158
00:09:11,790 --> 00:09:13,869
been working on her for weeks. What do
you mean?

159
00:09:13,870 --> 00:09:15,980
She's the Sid Turner plan for
prosperity.

160
00:09:15,981 --> 00:09:19,049
What are you talking about? Marriage,
mate. Feet under the table.

161
00:09:19,050 --> 00:09:21,610
You mean you're contemplating wedlock?

162
00:09:21,970 --> 00:09:23,550
Until death do us part.

163
00:09:25,230 --> 00:09:26,280
I don't believe it.

164
00:09:26,281 --> 00:09:29,089
All my life I've been looking for a bird
like this. All my life. She's a

165
00:09:29,090 --> 00:09:31,850
smasher. She fancies me. She's sex mad
and she's loaded.

166
00:09:32,190 --> 00:09:33,930
It's better than winning the pools.

167
00:09:33,931 --> 00:09:38,929
What does Hillary think about getting
spliced? Well, I haven't actually popped

168
00:09:38,930 --> 00:09:41,829
the question yet, but that's just a mere
formality. I mean, when I turn it on,

169
00:09:41,830 --> 00:09:42,880
I'm irresistible.

170
00:09:43,130 --> 00:09:44,230
I'm modest, with it.

171
00:09:44,231 --> 00:09:48,609
I reckon I've cracked it. Oh, Sid, you
know the old saying, don't count your

172
00:09:48,610 --> 00:09:51,009
chickens? Don't worry, mate, this is one
that's definitely going to hatch. Yeah,

173
00:09:51,010 --> 00:09:52,959
but you've forgotten about Mother Hen,
haven't you?

174
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:55,519
I'm under the impression she wasn't too
keen on you.

175
00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:56,780
She will be after tonight.

176
00:09:56,781 --> 00:09:57,839
After tonight?

177
00:09:57,840 --> 00:09:59,950
Lesson one in the Siddhartha Karma
Sutra.

178
00:10:00,340 --> 00:10:02,750
The way to a woman's heart is through
her mother.

179
00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:12,010
Hello, handsome.

180
00:10:12,560 --> 00:10:14,060
Hello yourself, Miss Barkley.

181
00:10:14,460 --> 00:10:15,510
Have we met before?

182
00:10:15,700 --> 00:10:16,750
No, but I've seen you.

183
00:10:16,900 --> 00:10:17,980
I've seen you with Sid.

184
00:10:18,560 --> 00:10:19,610
I'm Victor Evans.

185
00:10:20,680 --> 00:10:23,360
Amazing. I'd never have believed it.
Believed what?

186
00:10:24,060 --> 00:10:25,320
Are you having hormones?

187
00:10:25,780 --> 00:10:26,830
Not that I'm aware of.

188
00:10:26,831 --> 00:10:29,179
Doesn't the medical profession know
about you?

189
00:10:29,180 --> 00:10:32,910
No. I'm beginning to think they ought to
know about you. You're a phenomenon.

190
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:34,050
What have I done?

191
00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:37,620
Well, you look so young. I never thought
you were 71.

192
00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:39,050
71?

193
00:10:39,340 --> 00:10:40,760
Hey, what did Sidney say?

194
00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:44,940
He said you were a senile, toothless,
doddering 70 -year -old.

195
00:10:45,160 --> 00:10:46,210
Oh, he did, did he?

196
00:10:46,460 --> 00:10:48,500
He obviously didn't want me to meet you.

197
00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:50,760
Now I've seen you, I know why.

198
00:10:51,760 --> 00:10:52,810
Is Simeon?

199
00:10:52,811 --> 00:10:53,759
No, he's out.

200
00:10:53,760 --> 00:10:54,810
Oh, what a pity.

201
00:10:56,140 --> 00:10:58,000
Are you doing anything this evening?

202
00:10:58,001 --> 00:11:00,339
Nothing that won't keep a couple of
months.

203
00:11:00,340 --> 00:11:01,960
Why don't we go for a drive?

204
00:11:02,300 --> 00:11:03,350
Oh, I'd like that.

205
00:11:03,560 --> 00:11:06,570
It's a nice night for it. I know, but
let's go for a drive first.

206
00:11:06,920 --> 00:11:07,970
All right.

207
00:11:08,340 --> 00:11:09,960
Just give me the phone call first.

208
00:11:10,160 --> 00:11:11,210
Don't go away.

209
00:11:11,380 --> 00:11:12,430
OK?

210
00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:18,420
Hello? The Barclay residence?

211
00:11:19,340 --> 00:11:20,600
Ramona Barclay speaking.

212
00:11:20,820 --> 00:11:23,050
Oh, hello, Mrs. Barclay. This is Victor
Evans.

213
00:11:23,051 --> 00:11:24,579
We met this morning. Do you remember?

214
00:11:24,580 --> 00:11:26,930
Well, I had a word with Sid about your
daughter.

215
00:11:27,040 --> 00:11:29,200
Oh, so he has been trifling with her.

216
00:11:29,201 --> 00:11:31,039
Oh, well, it's like this, you see.

217
00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:32,500
He's using her to get at you.

218
00:11:32,940 --> 00:11:34,380
It's you he really fancies.

219
00:11:34,580 --> 00:11:36,660
Me? He fancies me?

220
00:11:36,940 --> 00:11:37,990
Yes.

221
00:11:38,900 --> 00:11:41,420
Infatuated. Worshipps you from afar, so
to speak.

222
00:11:41,820 --> 00:11:43,380
Oh, how very romantic.

223
00:11:43,381 --> 00:11:47,819
And he's managed to overcome his natural
shyness, and he's on his way to see you

224
00:11:47,820 --> 00:11:50,960
now. I wouldn't be surprised if he
plighted his trough.

225
00:11:51,280 --> 00:11:53,680
He couldn't plight it in a better place.

226
00:11:56,780 --> 00:11:58,820
Count your chickens, would you, Sidney?

227
00:12:03,480 --> 00:12:04,530
Enter.

228
00:12:07,020 --> 00:12:08,780
Mr Turner to see you, madam.

229
00:12:09,680 --> 00:12:10,760
Just a moment.

230
00:12:35,870 --> 00:12:36,920
didn't he, Turner?

231
00:12:37,570 --> 00:12:40,160
Well, I hope you don't mind me calling,
Mrs. Bartley.

232
00:12:40,490 --> 00:12:41,830
Call me Ramona.

233
00:12:42,530 --> 00:12:44,230
Ramona? That's an unusual name.

234
00:12:44,490 --> 00:12:45,540
It's Spanish.

235
00:12:45,541 --> 00:12:47,249
Oh, I didn't know you were Spanish.

236
00:12:47,250 --> 00:12:50,450
No, I'm not, but I was conceived in
Torremolinos.

237
00:12:52,450 --> 00:12:55,050
Yes, very cosmopolitan. Here, I'll put
you this.

238
00:12:55,310 --> 00:12:59,170
Oh, you extravagant suitor. Yes, well, I
thought... Pardon?

239
00:13:00,170 --> 00:13:04,150
Don't look so surprised, isn't he? I
know why you're here.

240
00:13:04,151 --> 00:13:05,069
You do?

241
00:13:05,070 --> 00:13:08,140
Yes. I've just spoken with Mr Evans.

242
00:13:08,480 --> 00:13:10,890
Oh, well, I hope you haven't got any
objections.

243
00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:12,090
Oh, none whatsoever.

244
00:13:12,380 --> 00:13:14,460
Do come and sit here. Oh, thank you.

245
00:13:17,140 --> 00:13:20,800
Now, you're quite sure you know what
you're doing.

246
00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:22,130
Oh, yes.

247
00:13:22,140 --> 00:13:24,180
Oh, yes, it was love at first sight.

248
00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:27,980
Oh, you romantic rascal, you.

249
00:13:38,510 --> 00:13:40,190
In favour of a long engagement?

250
00:13:40,430 --> 00:13:43,860
Neither am I. I think we should get
married right away. Oh, there you go

251
00:13:44,430 --> 00:13:45,970
You wonderful fool!

252
00:13:47,350 --> 00:13:49,110
How about next month?

253
00:13:49,470 --> 00:13:50,730
How about next Saturday?

254
00:13:51,310 --> 00:13:53,670
Oh, you impetuous Romeo!

255
00:13:55,630 --> 00:13:56,680
Hildegard!

256
00:13:59,090 --> 00:14:00,140
Hildegard?

257
00:14:00,490 --> 00:14:02,310
Oh, it's Saturday?

258
00:14:02,690 --> 00:14:05,690
Yeah. Yeah, I can't wait. Sock it to
him, Sid, they call me.

259
00:14:06,770 --> 00:14:07,820
Hildegard, dear.

260
00:14:07,950 --> 00:14:09,650
Bring a bottle of Bollinger.

261
00:14:10,130 --> 00:14:12,770
Mr. Turner and I are going to get
married.

262
00:14:53,580 --> 00:14:54,630
Hiya, Sid.

263
00:14:54,631 --> 00:14:57,139
What have you been doing with Hillary?

264
00:14:57,140 --> 00:14:58,399
Nothing. Did you have a mush?

265
00:14:58,400 --> 00:14:59,580
You dirty devil.

266
00:14:59,581 --> 00:15:01,439
How did you get all my money then?

267
00:15:01,440 --> 00:15:03,730
You dropped me right in it there, didn't
you?

268
00:15:04,540 --> 00:15:06,400
70 -year -old Dodger, remember, Sid?

269
00:15:06,640 --> 00:15:08,420
It's what they call tit for tat.

270
00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:10,220
Yeah, and I finish up with a tat.

271
00:15:12,800 --> 00:15:14,910
You got on well with her then, did you?
Yes.

272
00:15:15,220 --> 00:15:16,840
We get her married next Saturday.

273
00:15:18,260 --> 00:15:20,180
Married? How the hell did that happen?

274
00:15:20,181 --> 00:15:23,439
One minute we're chatting away, the next
minute she's talking about the

275
00:15:23,440 --> 00:15:24,459
honeymoon.

276
00:15:24,460 --> 00:15:27,439
Well, congratulations, Sid. I don't mind
about the congratulations. What do I

277
00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:29,220
do? Oh, your age, you should know.

278
00:15:30,140 --> 00:15:31,280
It's not funny.

279
00:15:31,740 --> 00:15:35,520
Mr. Turner, allow me to congratulate you
on your nuptials.

280
00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:41,300
Everybody knows you and the charming
Mrs. Barclay. What a surprise.

281
00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:43,780
The biggest surprise it was to Sidney.

282
00:15:44,260 --> 00:15:46,180
Now, Mr. Turner, the cars.

283
00:15:46,940 --> 00:15:48,500
What cars? For the happy event.

284
00:15:49,290 --> 00:15:52,180
C .D. Armitage, luxury limousines,
weddings and funerals.

285
00:15:52,181 --> 00:15:56,249
Who's C .D. Armitage? Oh, it's just a
little sideline, you understand, sir.

286
00:15:56,250 --> 00:15:59,009
luxury limousines have you got then?
Rolls Royces and Daimlers?

287
00:15:59,010 --> 00:16:02,489
Well, they're not exactly luxury
limousines. What exactly are they? The

288
00:16:02,490 --> 00:16:04,190
Ford Prefect and my panda car.

289
00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:10,160
Do you use your funeral as a black
mariah? Oh, as well as it is.

290
00:16:10,420 --> 00:16:14,459
Now, with regard to the catering, sir,
might I suggest my lady wife, she does a

291
00:16:14,460 --> 00:16:17,519
very nice sit -down knife and fork with
seven and six per head, one and a half

292
00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:21,079
slices of ham each, bread and butter,
green salad, cup of tea, and your

293
00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:24,099
individual maid of honour. Because on
the other hand, if it's to be your stand

294
00:16:24,100 --> 00:16:27,079
-up, paper -plate, older -than -your
-hand affair, her savouries and vol -au

295
00:16:27,080 --> 00:16:28,640
-vons are the talk of the county.

296
00:16:29,760 --> 00:16:30,810
Have you finished?

297
00:16:30,811 --> 00:16:33,959
I was just trying to smooth your path of
happiness, though. Oh, smooth me own

298
00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:37,019
path. Thank you very much. Yes, sir.
Well, I'll see you in church, then.

299
00:16:37,020 --> 00:16:38,070
Who invited you?

300
00:16:38,300 --> 00:16:39,860
I'm the resident organist, sir.

301
00:16:41,060 --> 00:16:43,740
You are? Oh, I shall have all me stops
out on Saturday.

302
00:16:44,420 --> 00:16:45,740
Well, good day, gentlemen.

303
00:16:45,741 --> 00:16:49,459
I'm telling you right now, there is not
going to be any wedding. You're going to

304
00:16:49,460 --> 00:16:51,810
break it off? Yes, I am, mate. I'll mark
her card.

305
00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:54,020
Get your pencil out.

306
00:16:55,100 --> 00:16:57,850
Darling, have you told... to the good
news.

307
00:16:58,230 --> 00:17:00,130
He's talked about nothing else.

308
00:17:00,330 --> 00:17:02,270
Oh, you expectant little groom.

309
00:17:02,710 --> 00:17:04,849
I'll leave you lovebirds together then.

310
00:17:06,950 --> 00:17:09,410
Sit down, Conchita.

311
00:17:11,170 --> 00:17:12,829
Ramona. Oh, darling.

312
00:17:13,990 --> 00:17:15,490
About the wedding.

313
00:17:15,790 --> 00:17:21,089
Oh, don't worry, dear. All the
arrangements are in hand. The cards are

314
00:17:21,210 --> 00:17:26,210
the vicar alerted, and a special license
has been applied for. Now, about the...

315
00:17:26,300 --> 00:17:30,220
Tim, I felt we should start with, oh,
perfect love.

316
00:17:30,660 --> 00:17:32,160
What about, oh, God, our help?

317
00:17:34,420 --> 00:17:38,379
I hope you're not developing cold feet.
No, no, no, it's not. We've got to have

318
00:17:38,380 --> 00:17:41,630
a very serious talk about us. There is
something you ought to know.

319
00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:45,000
Oh, dear, you haven't got any strange
war wounds.

320
00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:50,319
God forbid. I mean, the point is, what
I'm trying to say is that marriage is a

321
00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:51,209
very big step.

322
00:17:51,210 --> 00:17:53,070
Oh, don't worry.

323
00:17:53,430 --> 00:17:56,670
After five weddings, I'm well up the
ladder.

324
00:17:56,671 --> 00:18:00,589
The point is, is that we have got to be
absolutely sure that we're right for

325
00:18:00,590 --> 00:18:02,910
each other. Oh, but you're perfect for
me.

326
00:18:02,911 --> 00:18:06,929
Yes, well, you know what they say? It is
better to have loved and lost than

327
00:18:06,930 --> 00:18:10,529
never to have loved at all. Then again,
they say it is better to have loved and

328
00:18:10,530 --> 00:18:12,290
won than never to have lost.

329
00:18:15,310 --> 00:18:16,360
Yes, well...

330
00:18:16,361 --> 00:18:20,139
If you have lost, I mean, you get over
it, because time is a great healer. Yes,

331
00:18:20,140 --> 00:18:21,640
but not as great as the money.

332
00:18:22,440 --> 00:18:28,299
Money? I was only jilted once. He was a
very wealthy man. He owned a chain of

333
00:18:28,300 --> 00:18:32,260
restaurants. I sued him for every penny
he had.

334
00:18:32,780 --> 00:18:36,260
Sued him? You know what they say about a
woman scorned.

335
00:18:36,540 --> 00:18:39,620
Scorned? The last time I heard of him,
he was...

336
00:18:40,080 --> 00:18:42,000
He was a waiter in a wimpy bar.

337
00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:45,500
Now, what was it you wanted to say?

338
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:48,040
I'll see you in church.

339
00:18:52,231 --> 00:18:54,299
That's it.

340
00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:57,100
I don't feel very well. Come on, get in
there.

341
00:18:57,420 --> 00:19:00,980
Listen, this time tomorrow, just think,
you'll be on your honeymoon.

342
00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:04,010
It's no good, Vic. I can't go through
with it. Shh!

343
00:19:04,011 --> 00:19:07,299
I'm going to call it off. You can't call
it off. You've got to go through with

344
00:19:07,300 --> 00:19:08,679
it, otherwise we'll be ruined.

345
00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:09,919
It's all right for you, isn't it?

346
00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:12,239
Can you imagine what it's going to be
like waking up every morning and seeing

347
00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:13,999
that horrible face next to you on the
pillow?

348
00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:17,370
Don't worry, she'll soon get used to it.
Oh, it's not mine, you twit!

349
00:19:18,391 --> 00:19:24,879
I'm going to have another tranquiliser.
Look, steady with those. They're not

350
00:19:24,880 --> 00:19:25,930
dolly mixtures.

351
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:29,120
How much longer have I got?

352
00:19:29,320 --> 00:19:32,200
Oh, I'll make it five minutes to zero.

353
00:19:36,480 --> 00:19:37,530
Dearly beloved...

354
00:19:37,531 --> 00:19:41,089
we are gathered here together in the
sight of God and in the face of this

355
00:19:41,090 --> 00:19:45,169
congregation to join together this man
and this woman in the holiest state of

356
00:19:45,170 --> 00:19:50,609
matrimony. If any of you have cause or
just impediment to say why these two

357
00:19:50,610 --> 00:19:54,269
people should not be joined together in
holy matrimony, let him now speak or

358
00:19:54,270 --> 00:19:55,410
forever hold his peace.

359
00:19:55,570 --> 00:19:57,490
But thou... Hang on, hang on a minute.

360
00:19:58,370 --> 00:20:01,390
Is something wrong? Yes, give somebody a
chance to speak up.

361
00:20:02,430 --> 00:20:03,530
There's no objection.

362
00:20:04,690 --> 00:20:05,910
Go on, Reverend.

363
00:20:07,050 --> 00:20:10,650
Would thou, Sidney Ambrose... Ambrose?
Oh, shucks. Gentlemen.

364
00:20:12,130 --> 00:20:13,180
Please.

365
00:20:14,890 --> 00:20:19,949
Would thou, Sidney Ambrose Turner, have
this woman to thy wedded wife, to live

366
00:20:19,950 --> 00:20:23,609
together after God's ordinance in the
holy estate of matrimony? Would thou

367
00:20:23,610 --> 00:20:27,769
her, comfort her, honour her, and keep
her in sickness and in health, and for

368
00:20:27,770 --> 00:20:32,350
taking all others, keep thee only unto
her, so long as you both shall live?

369
00:20:36,030 --> 00:20:37,610
Speak up, Mr. Turner.

370
00:20:38,610 --> 00:20:39,660
I do.

371
00:20:45,890 --> 00:20:46,950
Thank you.

372
00:20:50,870 --> 00:20:56,089
Will you, Ramona Barclay, have this man
to thy wedded husband to live together

373
00:20:56,090 --> 00:20:58,620
after God's order? Don't bother with all
that. I do.

374
00:21:00,830 --> 00:21:04,050
Oh, very well. The ring, please. The
ring, yes.

375
00:21:06,110 --> 00:21:07,310
There you are, Reverend.

376
00:21:08,390 --> 00:21:09,890
Please sit on the third finger.

377
00:21:13,930 --> 00:21:17,430
Now you sit.

378
00:21:18,790 --> 00:21:22,630
Repeat after me. With this ring I thee
wed. With my body I thee worship.

379
00:21:23,450 --> 00:21:27,289
With all my worldly goods I thee endow.
I now pronounce you man and wife. You

380
00:21:27,290 --> 00:21:28,340
may kiss the bride.

381
00:21:32,490 --> 00:21:33,540
After you.

382
00:21:41,830 --> 00:21:43,190
Well, do hurry up.

383
00:21:43,410 --> 00:21:45,910
Your little bride is waiting for you.

384
00:21:51,150 --> 00:21:52,750
Now what are you doing?

385
00:21:53,070 --> 00:21:54,570
I'm looking for my cigarettes.

386
00:21:54,950 --> 00:21:56,000
Oh, they're in here.

387
00:21:56,450 --> 00:21:57,500
Eh? Oh.

388
00:21:57,990 --> 00:22:00,910
Thank you. I want you to have a drag for
a tune.

389
00:22:02,910 --> 00:22:04,530
Sidney, are you nervous?

390
00:22:04,910 --> 00:22:08,190
No, no. Well, why have you just lit the
filter, Tim?

391
00:22:14,030 --> 00:22:15,230
Can't you pay any price?

392
00:22:15,710 --> 00:22:18,350
I'm not really tired. I'll just read the
paper.

393
00:22:18,850 --> 00:22:20,050
We've got no paper.

394
00:22:20,310 --> 00:22:21,510
Oh? Well, I'll go get one.

395
00:22:22,310 --> 00:22:25,390
Sidney, I do believe you're shy.

396
00:22:25,391 --> 00:22:27,269
That's it.

397
00:22:27,270 --> 00:22:28,630
That's it, I am. I'm shy.

398
00:22:28,631 --> 00:22:31,049
Shouldn't we have separate rooms?

399
00:22:31,050 --> 00:22:33,530
Oh, don't be silly, dear. Come on, get
into bed.

400
00:22:34,770 --> 00:22:35,820
Sidney!

401
00:22:38,210 --> 00:22:42,119
Aren't you going to take off that...
Horrible dressing gown. No, well, I get

402
00:22:42,120 --> 00:22:43,019
cold in bed.

403
00:22:43,020 --> 00:22:45,140
Oh, well, I'll soon warm you up, dear.

404
00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:47,980
Oh. Oh, Sidney.

405
00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:49,330
Oh, God.

406
00:22:49,400 --> 00:22:50,450
Oh, God.

407
00:22:50,620 --> 00:22:53,280
It's Sidney. Help. Help.

408
00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:54,770
Somebody help.

409
00:22:55,080 --> 00:22:56,130
Help.

410
00:22:56,340 --> 00:22:57,480
Help. Help.

411
00:22:57,800 --> 00:22:59,200
Help. Wake up, Sid.

412
00:22:59,201 --> 00:23:03,059
Where are we? You're in church, of
course. What do you think?

413
00:23:03,060 --> 00:23:05,899
Hasn't it happened yet? I think it's
happened so far as you've not enough.

414
00:23:05,900 --> 00:23:07,280
I had a shocking nightmare.

415
00:23:07,640 --> 00:23:08,900
I can't go through with it.

416
00:23:09,740 --> 00:23:10,790
It's too late now.

417
00:23:11,040 --> 00:23:12,140
Here comes the bride.

418
00:23:13,260 --> 00:23:14,460
And here goes the groom.

419
00:23:14,510 --> 00:23:19,060
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